Tribe in Africa decides the birth date of a baby not from the day it's born

Here is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted not from when they were born, nor from when they are conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother’s mind. And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she’s heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child’s father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it. And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child’s song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child’s song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child’s song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it.

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Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song. In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them. The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another. And it goes this way through their life. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing—for the last time—the song to that person. You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What is the African tribe that sings to babies before they are born?

This story is often attributed to the Himba tribe of Namibia, though it's worth noting this is more of a spiritual teaching story that has been shared widely rather than a documented anthropological practice. The beautiful concept centres on the idea that a child's identity and connection to their community begins long before physical conception, starting when the mother first envisions her future child.

Does thinking about conception before trying to conceive actually help fertility?

While there's no clinical evidence that meditation or visualisation directly improves fertility, the NHS acknowledges that reducing stress and improving emotional wellbeing can support your overall health when trying to conceive. Taking time to mentally prepare for parenthood, much like the tribe's song ritual, may help couples feel more connected and positive during their TTC journey. With 1 in 7 UK couples experiencing fertility issues, finding ways to nurture your emotional health alongside physical preparation is widely encouraged.

How can I emotionally prepare for trying to conceive in the UK?

Many fertility clinics and NHS services now recognise the importance of emotional preparation when TTC, offering counselling services alongside medical support. Taking time to connect with your partner, discuss your hopes for parenthood, and address any anxieties can be beneficial before starting your conception journey. The HFEA recommends that all licensed fertility clinics provide access to counselling services for emotional support.

Are there any traditional or alternative fertility practices recognised in the UK?

While the NHS primarily focuses on evidence-based treatments, NICE guidelines acknowledge that complementary approaches like acupuncture, mindfulness, and relaxation techniques may help some individuals manage the stress of fertility treatment. It's important to discuss any alternative practices with your GP or fertility specialist to ensure they complement rather than interfere with any medical treatment you may be receiving.

Can bonding with your baby before birth improve outcomes?

Research does support the benefits of prenatal bonding, with the NHS encouraging practices like talking and singing to your bump during pregnancy. Studies suggest babies can recognise familiar voices and sounds from the womb, which may support early attachment after birth. This aligns beautifully with the African tribe's tradition of singing a child's song throughout pregnancy.

Where can I find emotional support while trying to conceive on the NHS?

Your GP can refer you to NHS counselling services, and many Clinical Commissioning Groups (CCGs) offer fertility counselling as part of their funded treatment pathways. Charities like Fertility Network UK also provide free support groups and helplines specifically for those navigating fertility challenges. If you're undergoing fertility treatment at a licensed clinic, the HFEA requires that counselling services be made available to all patients.

How long should I try to conceive naturally before seeking NHS help?

NICE guidelines recommend that couples under 35 who have been trying to conceive for 12 months without success should be offered investigations, while those over 35 or with known fertility concerns may be referred sooner. Your first step should be booking an appointment with your GP, who can arrange initial tests and discuss NHS referral options based on your local CCG's funding criteria. Early consultation is particularly advisable if you have irregular periods, a history of pelvic infections, or other known health conditions.